Humour: Who is this Doctor?

Today I found myself laughing my heads off with this email I got. Its a questionnaire about common “myths” on good health. A must read for anyone concerned about their health!. Which is your favorite tip?


Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

… Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy?
HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: BOSS! If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other, and the body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO, What a Ride”

Sometimes life is not so easy though 🙂 But then, have fun! Do share your thoughts on this post.

  1. yawn. avoiding meat is not only about health, it’s about cruelty. and what benefits are there in chocolate apart from enriching multi-nationals? sorry, this is just another smart-alec trying to excuse his burger-heavy, guilt-ridden, planet-murdering lifestyle. repulsive.

  2. @ Justin Tsan, 😀 That will be great! Am sure she will never complain about your diet again 😀

    @ food inspector: Global Warming is not really my cup of coffee, like its like trying to stop the sun from shining! Everyone wants to stop it, but rarely puts their heart into it.

    @ baron, xrealm, chill guys! Take a break, dnt break each others necks 😀

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