Sure-Shot SEO techniques for top rankings!

I am going to share some really useful tips on how you can get guaranteed top listings for any term you want. Do let me know if I missed anything in your comments below the post. Here goes! Before starting off, please do not read about my other SEO tips.

  1. Cloak your pages. This means putting in loads of keyword stuffed paragraphs and coloring them the same as your page background. Normal visitors will not see it, but search engine bots will. Yeh! super tip…
  2. Create Doorway pages: Create some pages specifically for SE bots. This means when ever a bot visits, it will be redirected to another page with great keyword pages. But normal visitors see nothing of this.
  3. Link to a lot of linkfarms and spam pages. This will let the search engine know about your credibility as a specilist in this field and then rank your in positions above #1
  4. Have a lot of 404 pages and broken links. This is loved by both the bots and normal visitors. Something called “Hair-Pulling” experiences?
  5. Copy content from other sites which you liked and don’t bother linking to the source. This will let the bots and visitors know you are having a site of great value!
  6. Create pages linking to a lot of other pages that have no relation to what your site is. In other words, have some good linkfarms yourself, which will mean that you will have a great site for the bots.
  7. Never read TheAnand’s Ripples and don’t comment on any post! This will help you much by making me totally ignorant of your site, so that you save me the trouble of having to stumble you and adding your site to my RSS reader 🙂 .

10 thoughts on “Sure-Shot SEO techniques for top rankings!”

  1. Hi Anad,
    Please note that this is misleading post. Don’t you know that the above listed SEO techniques are not ethical as far as a ‘ethical’ SEO point of view. Search Engines may fine you if anyone follow these tricks.

    Quality guidelines – specific guidelines

    * Avoid hidden text or hidden links.
    * Don’t use cloaking or sneaky redirects.
    * Don’t load pages with irrelevant keywords.
    * Don’t create multiple pages, subdomains, or domains with substantially duplicate content.
    * Don’t create pages that install viruses, trojans, or other badware.
    * Avoid “doorway” pages created just for search engines, or other “cookie cutter” approaches such as affiliate programs with little or no original content.
    * If your site participates in an affiliate program, make sure that your site adds value. Provide unique and relevant content that gives users a reason to visit your site first.

    Binoj

  2. hi binoj!

    I guess you missed the sarcasm in my post 😀 If you follow the tips I said above, one will get a position above #1. A position above #1? …..its 0…. 😆

  3. Hi Anand,

    Ohps! I didn’t got that irony when I read. May be because of my low reading standards. Anyway Keep up the good works.

    But one with low reading standards like me will be totally confused and may think that these tips may be the real SEO techniques to GET the Top ranking in SERP.

    Anyway way Keep up the talent and All the Best.

    Binoj

  4. Wtf Anand,

    Keeping such excellent SEO Tips to your own self is downright selfish of you mate.
    If only you’d told me about these about a year ago, I’d have been a millionaire by now :p

  5. sathyamayittu tamasha thanne aanu! 🙂 just do opposite of what i say to get gr8 rankings 🙂 All latest advice from SEO expert from cochin who will get your site banned from all major search engines!

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